Fat and everything attached to it

I looked at my weighing scale. The digital reader on top of the scale showed 59 kg  I had managed to pile on 3 kg in the last four months after starving myself to near death in an attempt to lose weight last year. Yes, I am very finicky about my weight.

Yet, I am one of those lazy people who would prefer to lose weight the easy way, by merely sitting at home and avoiding food. To add to my woes, I have tried all diets possible under the sun, with no avail. The weight goes away for sometime and then sneaks back into my body, without my knowledge

Many of my friends often tell me, I’m not ‘that’ fat, I just have a ‘big tummy’ and a ‘big bum’. Well, a ‘big bum’ and a ‘big tummy’ is the beginning of fat, I would retort.  As of now,  My tummy and my butt are big enough to be called separate entities, living in my body.  On second thoughts though, I wouldn’t mind naming them, Mario and Luigi respectively. However by that time, I guess they would grow big enough to be declared sovereign nations.

Yes, I do behave like a drama queen occasionally, owing to my obsession with weight. Ever since I gained weight, I hardly feel good about myself . Belonging to a slightly orthodox family from Mangalore, which is very particular about the way their women look, my  mother often taunts me calling me fat during embarrassing situations. At one instance,  during a party, there was a game where a team of two people were supposed to blow and burst balloons by sitting upon the balloon. But the condition was that only one person in the team would be allowed to sit on the balloon the other person was to merely play sidekick and  blow balloons. Just as me and another friend volunteered to play, my  dear mother looks at my derrière and starts,  ‘Oh, if You were to sit on those balloons then….’.  I stood there horrified  staring at her in anger and sheer embarrassment as people around me erupted into peals of laughter and then realization dawned upon me.

My mind was conditioned to conform to the societal ideals of what is beautiful and what is not. ‘Fat’ did not mean ‘ugly’, ‘Thin’ did not mean ‘beautiful’.  The stigma attached to the word ‘fat’ had my extremely beautiful best friend believing nobody wanted her because she was fat. Well, she was wrong though. The day she entered medical school, she had seniors hitting at her left, right and center

I would be lying if I said I felt any better after my shameful humiliation in public. However, till I decide to gather my will power and wear my dusty shoes and slog it out, I have decided to be friends with ‘fat’ and accept it gracefully whenever it comes my way. Oh, by the way, we did win the game and I wasn’t the one sitting on the balloons.

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One thought on “Fat and everything attached to it

  1. I’m sorry your having a bit of a low moment. Keep your head up, and hopefully things will get better soon. Maybe you should just try incorporating some more fruits and veggies, and cutting out some of the sweets? Also, don’t forget to love yourself. That sound stupid, but I’ve realized the times in my life when I didn’t respect myself were those that I was struggling to maintain my weight. Good luck!

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